Your teaching them what?!

Sitting in the doctors waiting office you tend to observe many other people and their habits, or their behaviors.  Sometimes it can be a real interest to see others and their good behaviors, sometimes, you have to cringe. Today, unfortunately, was a cringing day.

As I was waiting, in the room was a man in a wheelchair with his wife, and a mother and her 3-4 year old son.  As I watching him, it stunned me.  The boy was bored, his mother tried to ply him with tickling games when he came near her, and he would sullenly walk away.  When he came back she tried to get him to sit with her, he screamed NO then walked away again.  When he came back he struck at his mother (with his fist), she looked at him with a singsong voice “no hitting.  want to play a game on my phone?” he screamed no, and stalked away.  He came back again every few minutes, would hit her or kick at her, and her reply always ‘no hitting, want a treat?” or ‘don’t kick, what should we buy grandma”.  My mind was fuming! How could this mother allow this child to strike at her, and not talk, punish or even deal with her child? What was she teaching him?

Now, you could say that this was a good mother for not freaking out, storming out, threatening her child, or hitting him back, but what was he learning? He was learning that from using violence that he was to be rewarded with treats or games.   

Another act that still bothers me, my husband and I were out buying things for our house at Bed Bath and Beyond.  As we walk into the curtain section, toys suddenly come flying over the shelves and just about rain upon us.  We turn to see who was causing the trouble and out come two ten year old kids, flinging dog toys at each other like its a snowball fight outside.  A motherly like person walks around the corner, calming stating ‘toys are not for throwing, not come along”. She proceeds to carry on to the kitchen section, while the kids continue to pelt each other with dog toys.  What are you teaching your children when you choose not to put your words into action? Yes, she could be claimed for keeping calm, letting children be children, and encouraging self play.  However, this is a continual trend that has been allowed to propser because parents, or guardians, are to tired of parenting, too tired of dealing with the stress of the continual attention of the child, letting the child pervert their own future and guided skills.

Parents, take the time to infuse the listening and respect skills that the future will need, for if you let a child grow up not listening, not respecting, or choosing to have bad mannerisms… what will they pass on to their future offspring?

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8 thoughts on “Your teaching them what?!

  1. st sahm says:

    Nonchalant parenting approach frightens you? It should! I prefer a startling scream or yell of “OH, NO you don’t! STOP that ridiculous behavior immediately.”

    Children that strike their parents have no respect for anything in this world especially not themselves which breeds much internal contempt and unhappiness. I’ve always thought the children that need love and discipline the most ask for it in the worst ways.

    • I completely agree! Being in a child care workplace I see constantly that the children who have the most negative behaviour are the ones who tend to be ignored the most by the parent. Too bad those parents won’t listen or take the time to remedy this horrible disrespectful upbringing :S Thanks for the comment 🙂

  2. I agree with you. Many parents today don’t use proper parenting methods. This happens because many of us don’t know how to parent, using the methods that we learned from our parents and grandparents. I made many mistakes with my children but when I became a grandparent I started doing research on positive parenting and now I am trying to re-parent my children so they will become better parents. I wish they would teach our children in school how to communicate properly and build good relationships because too many children are raised in a negative environment and don’t learn how to become responsible, caring adults.

  3. Whilst this may be true, there is a flip side that we may not always see. This is from a personal friend on FB that had just posted this before I saw your blog….
    Sick to death of the judgemental stares from people when Jacob has a meltdown in public. People need to grow up and educate themselves on what ASD is and that these children are not having a tantie because they can’t have something they want. Not every screaming or crying child at the shops is naughty or tired, some can’t cope in that environment because of the noise etc. but it is not a simple fix to just keep them home because life does go on and errands need to be run and groceries brought. Keep your cruel words and judgemental looks to yourself and be glad you weren’t dealt this path in life.

    • Hello, and thank you for your comment. I first wish to explain that I have worked as a child care worker and a child disability worker for many years, and have had the personal privilege of working with children who have ASD. I have witnesses many times how children are unable to deal with social situations or control themselves.
      Next, I wish to explain that the children in my writing are not subject to this disability/inability. They are children who are mentally normal, able to deal and cope well, and have parents who allow them to develop unhealthy social behaviors and lack of responsibility.
      Thank you again for your insight and your comment.

  4. It is so sad that this is commonplace in our society. PASSIVELY parenting rather than ACTIVELY parenting being the norm. It breaks my heart to think that what is being done to these children, while it is reversible, is still damaging. Where are the boundaries? Where are the rules? Boundaries create a sense of security and safety. I totally agree with your POV.

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