What, the what?

Well it has been a delightful experience of encounters with wordpress so far, enjoying the different writing styles, different types of bloggers, various interests, not having any type of negativity yet! Even amused at how many people are enjoying what I am saying (honestly, didn’t expect anyone to even look, thanks guys!)

Then it hits me, a comment that doesn’t even respond to my blog, just someone obviously calling me a dense idiot who has no idea what I could witness, acknowledge or even understand!

Funny how the emotions fly, first:

“What… the what?” Trying to understand this comment that has come out of nowhere.

Then – Hey I don’t have to approve, what, I can approve? The power!!!

I want to tell them how they missed the point… wait would they get this point? Do I try and correct them? Or even respond…. hmmm….

Hey look at their blogs! Wow, they are just as opinionated as their comment… hmm… yup I don’t think they would get the point, they commented so I would get their point… which I see where they are coming from in a round about take a left turn in Albikerky way… but still…

Well, sun rise, sun set.

Hmmm… I bet others have had the dissatisfaction of a comment before… or have they!

Well, for those of you that have read this, join in and tell me your story, or don’t and just agree with me with a “yup, cheers.  There will be more of those to follow” Happy day fellows!

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Let them.

Allowing a child time to dress allows them time to grow

Allowing a child time to dress allows them to be responsible.

When at work I tend to see a lot of hurried adults who in turn hurry their children.  Sometimes this is necessary to get to certain appointments, get home for supper that’s cooking, or to pick up another sibling at another location.  But one habit of the parent that confuses me, is when the child is purposefully dawdling, refusing to get dressed, or continually saying “I cant” and the parent ends up doing the task for the child.  What is this teaching them? That if they wine, complain, or bother enough that their parents  will do what they want.  These parents are allowing their child to pass off on their responsibilities and if they try hard enough, someone else will do their work for them.

One parent I saw comes in to pick up her little boy, who is three and a half.  He throws down his work, runs over to mommy to give a big hug, tells her all his stories about his day, then goes and puts away his work.  Here is where the situation turns sticky.  Mother is now over by the hooks, gathering her child’s pictures, putting his bag in order, and gathering his lunch kit.  He comes over to her, she asks him to take off his shoes and put them on the shelf.  He looks at her with the biggest eyes ‘I cant”.  She looks at him again, and says to please take off his shoes, they still have to collect his brother. At this point he sits on the floor, gives a big pout and wines “I cant mommy”. Well this continues on for about five minutes till the child is having a tantrum on the floor, and the mother ends up throwing everything on the floor, grabbing the shoes, taking them off, shoving on the boots and stating ‘there, I did it now, is this what you want?’ and storms off. Yes mother, this is what he wanted.  You have played into his game and allowed him to be in charge of the situation! Sadly, this happens a lot with parents being too tired to allow the child the time to understand that this isn’t their job, but the child’s! This isn’t a time for a fit but a chance to be responsible!

When a child is starting to pout, there is a reason for I, the child is craving attention, and is hoping for the parent to indulge in this simple, though frustrating, act.  In this instance, a good response is ” I see this is a big job and it can seem hard, but if you show me how you cant do it, maybe we can figure this out?”  By responding with an I message, by recognizing their emotions and allowing them a chance to try, you are allowing a person to grow, feel recognized, and a chance to  be responsible.  But just stating “do it”, the child feels ignored and becomes more upset! This really is one of my favorite answers, for if a child can show you how hard it is, sometimes it works out well, and sometimes you can actually see where the problem is! If a child does the job, ask them how they feel, if they are proud for taking care of themselves!

When a child is allowed to get someone else to take care of their task, what are we teaching the child? That if they wine, fight and complain enough, then they are never held accountable for their jobs.  Where does it stop? Soon the parent is allowing the child to control the parents through life decisions such as homework, or whose loss it is when the job looses an item, or whose responsibility is it when a job is done wrong.  For instance, a teenage boy who had a paper route was given his paycheck.  He was so proud of his accomplishments that he decided already on what treat he was going to get himself.  But unfortunately, the paycheck was lost.  When this happened he had a freak out at mom, complained about how he couldn’t afford his new bike, how was he supposed to deal with this! What does mother do? She writes him out a check of her own money (instead of contacting the company for a new one, or getting the child to earn the money back), child has learned, he raises his voice and gets upset, mommy will fix it.  Does it stop there? What if the adult looses his job, and cannot pay rent, instead of finding a new job, having savings for an emergency (which was all spent on entertainment….), calls up mommy who lends him the money so he doesn’t have to be responsible! Parents, please! Teach a child at a young age that being responsible is more than just a tempter tantrum, its setting them up for life.

Teach them their jobs, their tasks, how to be proud of their accomplisments and how to be responsible! Allow them to do their jobs, their responsibilities and their tasks.  Let them.

You’ve Got Mail

The other day I saw this comic via https://www.facebook.com/Hylands.Health and it made me realize how impersonal we can all be. Impersonal in the way that all we do lately is click and send, or just forward pictures, or even ‘inspirational’ memes that made our day for a moment…. a moment.  On top of it, the only emails we tend to get are forwards, bills or a ton of spam (for some reason a lot of sexy ladies in my area are looking for a guy like me…. I’m not a guy…. lol).  My one friend though, has dredged up the past favorite, and I am loving it! It started last year when I was asking friends for mailing addresses so I could send them wedding party invites.  When she got mine, she ended up holding on to it and sending me a letter months later, with questions to answer, news of how she has been, and a picture of her graduation from university! It was exciting, different and heck, a reason to pull out my old stationary sets.  It also helps that I have been donating to the Heart and Stroke Foundation, and when you do, apparently they send you gifts of stationary sets, personalized address stickers and cards for holidays and birthdays! Not only am I helping a cause that has affecting family and friends (my family has a high occurrence of cancer) but I am helping keep a tradition of snail mail alive! Thanks again M! Your letter is in the mail and I cannot wait to get another ^.^

So please, take the time to get some addresses, or look up some old ones :), write down a good letter, or send a recipe, a picture, and let them get a surprise in the mail! Also, as a side thought, take a moment to go to www.heartandstroke.ca, or the affiliated cancer society in your country, and donate, even just 25$ helps!

Enjoy your weekend. 🙂

Your teaching them what?!

Sitting in the doctors waiting office you tend to observe many other people and their habits, or their behaviors.  Sometimes it can be a real interest to see others and their good behaviors, sometimes, you have to cringe. Today, unfortunately, was a cringing day.

As I was waiting, in the room was a man in a wheelchair with his wife, and a mother and her 3-4 year old son.  As I watching him, it stunned me.  The boy was bored, his mother tried to ply him with tickling games when he came near her, and he would sullenly walk away.  When he came back she tried to get him to sit with her, he screamed NO then walked away again.  When he came back he struck at his mother (with his fist), she looked at him with a singsong voice “no hitting.  want to play a game on my phone?” he screamed no, and stalked away.  He came back again every few minutes, would hit her or kick at her, and her reply always ‘no hitting, want a treat?” or ‘don’t kick, what should we buy grandma”.  My mind was fuming! How could this mother allow this child to strike at her, and not talk, punish or even deal with her child? What was she teaching him?

Now, you could say that this was a good mother for not freaking out, storming out, threatening her child, or hitting him back, but what was he learning? He was learning that from using violence that he was to be rewarded with treats or games.   

Another act that still bothers me, my husband and I were out buying things for our house at Bed Bath and Beyond.  As we walk into the curtain section, toys suddenly come flying over the shelves and just about rain upon us.  We turn to see who was causing the trouble and out come two ten year old kids, flinging dog toys at each other like its a snowball fight outside.  A motherly like person walks around the corner, calming stating ‘toys are not for throwing, not come along”. She proceeds to carry on to the kitchen section, while the kids continue to pelt each other with dog toys.  What are you teaching your children when you choose not to put your words into action? Yes, she could be claimed for keeping calm, letting children be children, and encouraging self play.  However, this is a continual trend that has been allowed to propser because parents, or guardians, are to tired of parenting, too tired of dealing with the stress of the continual attention of the child, letting the child pervert their own future and guided skills.

Parents, take the time to infuse the listening and respect skills that the future will need, for if you let a child grow up not listening, not respecting, or choosing to have bad mannerisms… what will they pass on to their future offspring?

New Years Resolution….denied? Or Deemed necessary!

Well its two months now since the beginning of the year, and most of the people that I know of that create new years resolutions, have failed, given up or forgotten those promises.  But why? There’s no reason why you cannot make a change for the better and keep it! In fact, I see few friends actually trying again with the season of lent approaching and going for a promise of 40 days of a change. Their reason being, if I can do it for 40 days, get out of the bad habit and into new ones, why not carry it on towards the may long, or the summer?

What should you choose to do? I know my personal was to actually start eating better and get fit, which so far I have! Its been easier now that I’m done training and have my weekends back 😀 On top of it, I am starting to see a difference, and having the support of my friends helps. A few of my cousins are giving up their addiction to facebook/twitter/pinterest, their reason being they have become addicted to their electronic devices. They wish to devote more time to better pastimes, like physical activity, family time or a personal project.  A friend at work is getting rid of all candy/treats, her first step is to get rid of them all.  She is including her kids in her change so they can get used to natural food again.  My husband is trying to finish up renovations, along with finally clearing up the hording of items in the back yard that have been collecting. 

What if you gave up your resolution? Why not start again? No body likes a quitter, but everyone cheers for those who keep trying! One of my favorite movies is Run Fatboy Run, with Simon Pegg, where he gave up on so much that everyone had given up on him.  He finally starting trying till everyone believed in him! Honestly it tends to be my feel good get back into the groove movie, which means I really should get back onto that knitting project that is just dragging on, especially if I want to wear it next month!

Yes, I need to hear it.

Thanks, that was a great job you did!

I cannot believe you made it through, you did well.

It is going to be alright, here, have a hug.

Words that sometimes don’t mean anything at all, can make one heck of a difference when needed. I know that I am going through a few sensitive situations right now, and sometimes I feel that I am failing, that my head will never be quiet, but thanks to a good friend today, I feel better. 

I was able to empty my head, clear my thoughts and pour over, but when it was all done, I felt raw, sore, and very naked. As I looked at my friend she said a few simple words “Hope, it can still turn out well.  You have not made a bad choice, its going to be alright, you can do this. You will be great”.

A few simple words, felt better than a hug. 

Sometimes those who are  always there for others, need the help the most.

Have you listened to someone today?