How to Understand Infertility: A Story

Imagine, if you can, if you will, that you are a post graduate student.  You have studied, taken courses, passed exams, all with flying colors, in your chosen field. In fact, you were the student that usually helped others on with their assignments, you seemed to be an expert no matter what.  This was in the bag! You were meant to do this!

Fast forward the summer after graduation,  you got a job lined up, its fantastic.  You cant wait to begin, you just have to ace the interview.  You show up on time, day of, dressed to impress.  You get ushered into the office, the new boss seems fantastic.  As usual you seem to pass with flying colors, afterwards they want to check a few last things, and you are asked to have  a seat.  The door closes and you can hear hushed voices. Suddenly out of the blue a swaggering nobody, dressed like the streets, comes waltzing in.  They give you a sarcastic, happy but obviously swirling on luck, look and go to the door, in the door and the door closes. Loud exclamations come from inside, cheering, like its the party you’ve been waiting for.  After a few minutes the boss kicks his head out “uh… position filled, you can go… don’t leave your resume”.  Door slams.  In a confused, dazed state you are torn between yelling at the boss that YOU deserve this job, YOU were meant for this job, what the HECK just happened!!!!  The secretary laughing comes out from the room and sees you standing in a daze. She obviously thinks you know what happened “OMG didn’t you hear! Hashtag awesome, this person, no experience, no education, she just got here, and its going to work out! Why are you still here? Do you know where the door is?”

Walk out

Go home

Try and figure out the next step

You did everything right, you passed the exams.  You were the best choice…. why did that other person get it? Its not fair, its not right

 

That ‘s life.  The woman who passes all the fertility exams, who is told by the doctors they are perfectly healthy, they can conceive, yet for months, years, they sit by and watch other people get their job, their career, their mother hood.  They may just have the luck, the timing, or heck maybe they weren’t even trying or expected to.

How do you behave, act, carry on, when every day other people, maybe just as experienced, or having none, get your job? That you dream of, yearn for, die for?

Good luck, we are all rooting for you.

 

Why I HATE the Alphabet Song

It always makes me cringe to hear a toddler, kindergardener, preschooler or other young child burst into the traditional “A, B, C…”.  Now, its not that I dislike kids singing, or off key tunes, its the song itself I dislike.

As a preschool teacher of six years, this song has no educational value.  Its not teaching children how their vowels sound, or what sound CAT starts with, its just a sing song chant with the letters names.  This can confuse a child who is just starting to identify letters and their sounds.  A doesn’t say Ay, it says aaaa. If you know anyone under five years of age, it can be quite a situation when they believe they are saying it right, and it can lead to problems in school when they start trying to learn phonetically and  C A T doesn’t read cat, it reads,  See-ay-tee.  Yes, I have seen this.  Or, worse even, they try to just memorize words.  So reading goes ” c…. a…. t….  Tap!”, where instead of reading phonetically, they assume the last sound is a whole word to fill in the blank.

Another problem, is the children tend to combine sounds together to make new letters (and I have heard four year olds arguing over this one).  When they get to the letter L in the song.  Example “H, I, J, K, LMNO, P”.  They tend to think that it is all one letter, and funnily enough they will say it with such a flourish that they can convince anyone.  But, again, its teaching the sounds incorrectly.

Now, there are other great songs that introduce children to the proper sounds (that go great flash cards and objects) such as A says Ah.  These I love hearing! Especially when they hit the letter h with Ha Ha Ha!

Now, yes I dislike the song, but only when it comes to people teaching children the alphabet with this song, or teaching this song before they understand their letters or sounds.  Good luck out there!

10 Things I Learning from being an Ocarina Tutor

ocarina pic

So, a bit of a background, I love ocarinas and flute intstruments.  I decided since I have played for years that I would try and pass on my skills, tips and tricks onto other eager ocarina enthusiasts! But I learned a lot:

1) With a society that loves quick results, so many people seem to think it will take only a few lessons for awesome results.  It will take months or years to get amazing results, unfortunately.  This is something I try to explain to my students when we first begin, though most students will think that they can be the next rising star, and this is where most of the problems come from.

2) Most students are only attending to learn that ONE song, forgetting that there are skills, techniques, and that we have to learn those simple songs before we can melt out songs.

3) Everyone has a problem area.  Including myself!

4) To always prepare a variety of pieces for the student to choose from.

5) Yes, I have silly techniques, but yes, I know from my own flute lessons that they DO WORK! And you have to stick by them.

6) All students get frustrated, but it helps to show them the light at the end of the tunnel.

7) Eventually all students think they can do better than you, sometimes they just never show up again, sometimes they turn impatient, and sometimes, just sometimes, you get those special students who will stick through to the end…. and come back for more!

8) Take the chance for odd requests to grow your music stash!

9) Not all students can read music, and will need finger charts/tabs before it clicks in.  But making good notes with cheats can help them learn!

10) Not all students will come out victorious.  But if you can walk away learning something, and knowing they have gained at least ONE thing, hold your head high!

Just because

Not everyone will accept your past,  but it
wasn’t their’s to live. Not everyone will see your future, but its not their’s to dream. Just because someone worries about you, doesn’t mean they are judging you. Just because someone isn’t near you, doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking of you dearly.

Thanks, but no thanks, coach.

As I sit watching the game tonight, I suddenly have a flashback to the worst coach I ever got to play under.

It was grade ten basketball.  We were on our way out of town for a tournament.  Now, I was excited about this tournament! I may not be a strong offensive player, but since I wasn’t, I was shuffled to be a defensive, which tended to be this coaches favorite place to shuffle players he didn’t want to push for play time.  More defensive, less play time for me.  But out of town tournaments were different, since we had to pitch in for gas money and hotel money, we were all guaranteed at least ten minutes of play time.  Perfect!

First period, ten minutes in, …. no play…

five minutes left… no play…

Half time.  Get told to play better, haven’t played yet.

Second period, lets go!… still no play…

Comes down to the last five minutes, coach calls me to replace the star, sweet!

I go on for 17 seconds, I get called back off, he told the main star what he wanted, she had to go back on.  She had been playing the whole time.  What … the…. heck?

End of game. I got 17 seconds of play time.  That night I got a ride home from my coach because I had something I had to attend the next day.  I wouldn’t get any more play time this tournament.

“You’re not allowed to be mad at me”

“I didn’t get to play.  You said we all get equal playing time at out of town tournaments”

“I  had to so we could have a stronger chance to win”

“But we didn’t win, not even close”.  The score was over 20 points difference.

“Your still not allowed to be mad”

This coach who I had trusted, gave me the worst example of a mentor that I will never forget. I will never tell a child that they aren’t allowed to play in a game for my own agenda. I will never not keep a promise or a written rule to anyone. I will never tell someone they aren’t allowed to feel an emotion about an unfair situation.

After that weekend I told my mother it wasn’t worth playing on his team anymore.

I joined up with other teams, where we got to play and it was for fun, and we had great fun! And I never really looked back.

Not hard, not soft, like a jam!

I was a waitress at a restaurant that served eggs for every meal, which was great for graveyard workers, or late night partiers.  I have many stories, mightmares and laughs, but one stuck out this morning as I was making my breakfast.

We had this girl that at least once a month would come in and order the same thing.  Now, I don’t mind typical customers, and if you enjoy something, its a treat to try it again! But, it was how she ordered it that has always stuck with me. So heres seen, all day breakfast restaurant, typical waitress waiting on customers, in walks twenty something girl and her friend. Waitress sits them down, and goes to get their drinks.

“Alright ladies, here are your drinks”

“Alright, ill get eggs benedict, fruit cup, ham, oh, and I want my eggs, not hard, not soft, like a jam.”

“Ok, gotcha…” take her friends order, and carry on.  Go to the back, and type in over medium.  Ladies enjoy their lunch, praise the food, leave.

Next month, girls arrive.  Same explanation about the eggs. So I turn back

“Ok, eggs over medium-”

“No, no no…. not hard, not soft, like a jam!

Gotcha.

Same thing next month, so again I try to explain to her that what she wants is over medium, that she doesn’t have to explain it every time.

“No, its not.  I don’t want it hard, or soft. Like a jam!”

So, realizing that you can’t fix stupid, I go to the back to type in her order.  This time when it prompts me to select wellness level of the egg, I hit *see note* and type in her explanation.  Thirty seconds later the cook sticks his head out , gives me a confused look.  I explain the antics of this specific customer, to which he replies:

“Eggs have been around for thousands of years, shes been around for two decades, and she figures we haven’t figured out a word for not hard, not soft, like a jam? Did you try and explain it?”

Well I tried to hint at it, time and again… sometimes you cant fix stupid.